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Other Worlds

I believe in alternate realities. Not all the time, only for things that are important or significant, things which are immediate and catastrophic. Recently I've had flashes of my own death or injury. I've had these before, y'know like when you're walking down the stairs and you imagine yourself tripping over your own feet and tumbling downward and them you shudder move on. I don't know what it is, maybe I'm just paranoid, but I've been constantly getting these flashes of alternate reality, where I could be right now if one thing happened differently.
The first was a day or two ago when I was standing on top of my computer chair, and suddenly I had a flash of myself falling and cracking my head off my desk. Safe to say I finished what I was and got down as quickly as I could. They've been coming more frequently since then, even just when I'm walking I'll picture myself tripping or things falling on me, even when as I sit at me desk right now I got a vision of myself getting up then my foot getting caught and me crashing into the corner of my desk. Not a nice thought when you've put a sign on your door saying "Do Not Disturb".
My theory is that's it's the kind of "once you see it you see it all the time" deal, kinda like when someone says something like "if you don't lock your door bad spirits can get in" and you know it's not true but you can't think otherwise after they've told you and lock your door all the time.
The likelihood of alternate reality just seems too impossible to ignore sometimes.

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Lump

I think I've found my window,
It's on the top floor, nice view.
One hundered and ten metres,
A pretty long way to fall.
I'll fit, it's just big enough,
Though I don't want to test it.
I like the option being there,
The fact I can choose to leap,
Not be ungraciously flung.
Not any more though, I think.
This lump feels a bit too real,
And my neck hurts. My head too.
And I don't know what to do.
Carry on? Or to the doctor,
That's the logical option,
The right one. And I know that,
But I'm scared, and I need help.

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The Unfillable Glass

Every now and then I look again at what I want. It isn't too frequent, often it comes when my body is tired but my mind is not and I scroll through everything I have and everything I want, see what matches, find the gaps or illogicalities and see if there is a way around them.
Oftentimes I find that my life is more or less on point to how I feel it should be though strangely what I think it should be changed so often that I am bewildered how I so unconsciously keep up with myself.
But now a new, discouraging realization has brought itself before me and what is seen cannot be unseen in this case. I know sometimes that what I want is to be "one of the good guys", one of the people who fall in love and are fallen in love with. This is see as true forever in my mind so long as I think about it. But I know that if I achieve nothing but that in my life I will be plagued by regret. And so I strive for more, to be known to contribute something to people's lives, those I don't know, in a way which will exist long after I do. This is possible I think, but simultaneously I see that it is impossible to satisfy everyone for we are not all of the same nature and disposition, and short of having a personal impact on each and every person I effect I doubt I will ever be able to convince everyone of the same thing.
They say a "boo" is louder than a cheer and this is sad to think but also true. I hope never to acquire any "boo"s but I fear this is impossible, for if nobody else does, I myself will.

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I Love

It is prudent to never trust the things,
Who deceived us once before,
To run a mile the other way,
Keeping eyes down to the floor.
But at some point we must look up
And see the post ahead,
A sign which reads this one is good,
And will be never fully bled.

I trust my instincts to inform
That I am done for good,
But not this time, I'll love again,
A girl who makes me feel like I should,
What I ought to have in life,
A comrade there forever,
Someone I love, or maybe will,
The one to whom I thether.

I know not that I love her yet,
Only that I might,
I do know that I think of her a lot,
Even when she's out of sight,
And someday soon I think I'll know,
If what I feel is love,
It's what I want for evermore,
My being alone's enough.

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Found

I could walk along these tracks tonight,
Never look back,
Never look back,

Walk off the edge of the world tonight,
Gotta know that,
Gotta know that,

If I ever reach the end tonight,
You will find me,
You will find me,

D

on't forget me,
T

onight.

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What do I do now?

I think that I might love her,
But I might love him too,
And maybe I love neither,
Because love is so untrue.

In my humble little life,
I've never been convinced,
That people's love is based on fact,
Or that it even exists.

I know I know so little,
I'm so young after all,
But love it seems so... Pointless?
Is it really worth the fall?

At first it feels like magic,
But it just won't linger on,
It won't be there forever,
Before it's felt, it's gone.

I don't know what I'm feeling,
Love feels too extreme,
And I want to shag her neighbor,
Cos he is just so reem.

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When Will We Meet Again?

We danced the dance we learned from kings,
We played the songs we used to sing,
And at the end,
We turned the bend,
When will we meet again?

We drank the drinks brewed by the gods
We won the fight against all odds,
Our message sent,
And off we went,
When will we meet again?

We trusted those who gave us both their hands,
Then run together across these lands,
No whys or hows,
Just here for now
When will we meet again?

We came to the crossroads,
And then found that we didn't know,
How the hell we'd make it on our own.

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Generations

First there came good Adam, eater of the fruit
Then came Abel: brother to Cain, the fratricidal brute.
Later came that baby, whose dad was all of ours,
He saved us from our sinning with his sacrificial powers.
Romans, Vikings, Greeks and Celts, all along the line,
But here we jump much further, to this present time.
I sit here with two others, two fathers and two sons,
And barely word is spoken, no wool to be spun.
Is it so strange to see a trio so lost for babble?
We three who share the very genes of man who ate the apple.
Perhaps the gap is just too big, the years too out of touch,
It just no longer matters, well, not so very much.

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Flat lens

Somebody's clearly been taking their handsome pills. What's your name? That's so weird, mine is too!
Where are you from, I feel like I've seen you somewhere before? No way!
Wait, wait, where did you go to school? That's funny, I don't remember you, when did you graduate?
Ok, this has got to be bullshit, are you sure? I think I would remember you.
Do you remember me?
I'm pretty sure you weren't in that class, there was only six of us.
You're starting to freak me out, is this some kind of joke? Who put you up to this?
Ok, I'm leaving, you're fucked up.
Don't fucking follow me, I'm serious.
How did you get there?
Stop it, this is freaking scary.
Fucking hell, fucking hell, get the fuck away from me - help!
Dude, you've gotta help me, this crazy guy is following- where'd you go? I swear he was right there. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
No I'm not fucking alright!
No I swear, there was a guy, he was following me, would you mind id I stayed with you a while in case he comes back?

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Crass tears of a teenage girl

You see these tears which wet my cheeks?
Well I blame them on you
We circled each other, over and over
And never made a move.

Then you pushed me over and killed me,
Severed my desperate hope,
Drew pain from me I thought impossible
Given the circumstances.

I was winning, the battle with myself,
I had the demon on his knees,
Drew my sword,
But I left myself exposed to your attacks.

How can I win when the road turns the wrong way?
Maybe I missed the turn off,
Missed it a long time ago,
Relied on the roundabouts which were never built.

And now I'm here and happy.
You just showed me there was no choice,
To keep ploughing on.
And the love I had still hurts.

I did, you know, for a second there.
Then you ran, set me free,
I'm where is best,
And it still hurts.

What I'm saying is I can't get over it,
It doesn't make sense,
But I can't,
I don't know that I ever will.

And I thank you for that.

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I want

What do I want? That’s a pretty big question. Probably the most impossible thing to get an answer to if there is no trust there. Even harder when direction changes with the wind.

Right now, I guess I don’t want what I have. It’s not bad or anything, there’s just more than I want and twice as much as I know what to do with, and nobody around to show me where to put it all until I figure it out.

My biggest problem is that I have no problems, just lack of incentive to do anything about anything. Give me a task and I’ll put it in the freezer to defrost when I do. Ask me what I want and I will lie and shrug and tell you a million nothings until you lose interest and stop asking. Give me money, give me food, give me anything but help, because I don’t want it. My pride is too clever to accept because it knows where it’s taking me, only it doesn’t always remind me where that is.

I want to live on the beach, far away from people and reality. I want to see where the horizon ends and touch it. I want to live undisturbed for a while, when I want, whenever I need to, or don’t. Just take me there. Now would be good.

I want to run and run and never get tired. To eat and eat and never be full. To cry and scream until I can feel my body aching all over, and keep going.

I want to stop and stand and lie with someone, stare at the sky and sea and talk about nothing until nothing runs out and we are forced to laugh and laugh until sleep holds us tightly and doesn’t let us go until the world ends and we get where we’re going.

I want to be alone. But with someone, with you, with the unknown presence who lightens my every thought and makes it seem like I have nothing to care for but the smile on your face and the love in my soul.

I want to cut away the flesh which I never use and se how I stand without it, know once and forever what I need and what I don’t and get rid of the excess and forget I ever had it.

I want it to be there and to be gone and never have to care which it is, at least until I die and then I will know anyway so it won’t make any difference.

I want to sleep forever and wake up tomorrow again with everthing I know now and everything I don’t, and figure out what to do with it all.

I want direction, and I want you, whoever you are, so you can push out my ghosts and make me know why they haunt me and then make me forget and be happy again.

I want to be sick forever and be okay again tomorrow and never look back or feel as bad as I do sometimes, because if death feels like this then it wouldn’t be so bad to die and get it over with, then get on with the rest of it.

I want you gone, and I want me gone, and I want to exist in happiness with everything I have ever wanted or will ever want and never tire of it all.

I want to be buried up to my hair so I know how it is to be truly released and know I shall never feel as bad as I will when I am dead and nobody knows cares where I am but me.

I want to wake up tomorrow feeling good and jsut know what I want.

Please

I just want to know.